Sparrow Rose Jones (sparrowrose) wrote in i_learned_from,
Sparrow Rose Jones
sparrowrose
i_learned_from

Everything I need to know I learned from Einstein

1. Bad haircut + no conditioner = the frizzies
2. If people make posters of you sticking out your tongue, college students will put them up in their dorm rooms and tape silly things to your tongue.
3. Wearing the same suit every day makes you easier to recognize.
4. After you die, everyone will think you're cool; while you're alive, most people won't even know who you are.
5. If you have a name that rhymes with itself, people will have more fun saying it.
6. Be careful in regards to number 5, lest people turn the rhyme into a joke ... "Ein stein with mein little ein, something that starts with the letter R!"
7. Nuclear physicists are more amusing when you drink scotch and write lists about the things you learned from them.
8. If my twin stayed on Earth while I orbited the Earth for 50 years in a spaceship that went the speed of light, I'd get a big surprise when I landed and found out that I have a twin sister.
9. Bicycling in an overcoat is super-cool.
10. Atoms fall down and go boom!

11. If you're not good with math, get a cool chick to help you. (Emmy Noether)
12. If you're not good at remembering where you live, get your wife to help you. (rumor has it, she'd leave notes in his pocket with his address written on them so he wouldn't forget it.)
13. If you help invent a scary bomb that kills lots of people you should make up for it by becoming a philosopher.
14. Nuclear physicists become less amusing when you realize that you still have seven more points to fill and you ran out of things you learned.
15. They become slightly more amusing when you realize that saying that you had nothing left to say filled up one of those slots and now there are only six more things to come up with.
16. Make that five.
17. er.... then I learned that I couldn't stretch the joke any farther. I don't know if I learned it directly from Einstein, but I did learn it vicariously whilst discussing Einstein.
18. No matter how relative things are, Einstein is still dead now.
19. Learning things from Einstein should have made me smart enough to come up with twenty items.
20. Wait, maybe I learned that from Einstein, too. "Do not worry too much about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." - Albert Einstein
21. At least he could count to twenty!
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